Back to reality

Today's post will be in list form and here's why. This is my last day of Christmas break and because I want to. That's why.

1) The dumbest thing I ever did was to resign as a fitness instructor. When my schedule got busy my workout was never compromised. Something else less important was thrown out. Now it's the first thing to go when I get busy. Makes staying fit a lot more challenging AND nobody pays me when I do! And y'all...I need exercise. I used to need it because I wanted to look good and for my clothes to sit and hang in all the right places, and while I still want that, I'm realizing I need it now more than ever to feel good. I seem to be more susceptible to colds and the flu and junk like that along with having new ache every day. I'm sure that some of it is due to getting a little older, but I refuse to ache because I don't have a regular workout schedule. So there.

2) My Christmas decorations are officially down. That makes me sad. I wish we could start celebrating Christmas in August. Haha. Not really. The Contemporary Christian station on Uverse is still playing Christmas songs today though, and I am squeezing in as much as I can before I go back to the real blah world on Monday.

My Christmas tree looks sad and naked.
Ok...so it's all down, but it's not put away yet. Waiting for someone to bring in the storage bins from the garage.

3) I need a new do. Really. And what I want is for it to look like Jennifer Aniston's hair all the time with the least amount of effort possible on my part. So if anyone has any ideas on how to make that happen, please let me know.

4) The countdown is on for my next half marathon and my training starts Monday. If you've never run one, I highly recommend it. I've never experienced something as exhilarating as crossing that finish line, and I can't wait to do it again. Please pray for no rain!

Happiest New Year!

Christmas 2011

Oh my goodness, y'all. I ate so much, and I think I'm still full from all the Christmas food that I consumed over the course of four days. I'm guessing that will make my quest to lose a few pounds in January that much more challenging. Well. Oh well.

This year Christmas was magical for me and I was overcome with so many memories of Christmases from my childhood and time spent with my grandparents. It was good for my soul.

Once again we were reminded of how truly blessed we are. Not at all because of things. But because of the people we get to love on and spend time with, and most of all because of the precious gift of salvation that we received from a beautiful God whose depth of love I will never fully grasp this side of heaven.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year...from us!

Remembering...

There are some moments in your life that are, unfortunately, branded on your heart and mind, and I will never forget where I was and what I was doing when I got the call that our friend Bayn was gone. I was drying my hair and getting ready to go finish my Christmas shopping when I got the initial call. And...I remember where I was when I spoke on the phone for the first time to a few of my coworkers after we all found out. I was making a cherry pie for the first time ever when Buffy called. I was on the couch crying when Shelley called. And I was in the parking lot of Kroger when Lisa called. And thinking back on that stirs up the same emotions and knot in my stomach that I had that day and that I carried around with me for the rest of the Christmas break. That was a year ago this week, and one of the most difficult things I've ever faced. I am sure my coworkers would agree as we had just been with him the Friday before at our monthly meeting and everything seemed fine. He was his usual Bayn self and little did we know that it would be our last time to see him. Things like that are hard to make sense of and seem to always be accompanied with the second-guessing of your own interactions with that person and thoughts like 'why didn't I pay more attention', or 'I wonder if he knew that I cared about him'. And...always makes me want to be a better person and friend.

Passionate is the most descriptive word I can think of for him because no matter what he liked or didn't like he did so with more passion than anyone I've ever known. You never had to guess how he felt about something. If he liked it, he loved it. If he disliked it, well...that was no secret either. But that was him, and his life ended way too abruptly and way too soon. He is sorely missed at work, and at our monthly meetings there is always something that isn't quite right now. His absence is felt deeply.

I pray you are resting peacefully, Bayn. Your sphere of influence was bigger than you probably knew or ever imagined.

Why me?

I sure can think of a lot of ways to be spending my time right now that are better than what I'm doing. Sleeping is at the top of the list. When you take a Zyrtec at 3 p.m. instead of right before bedtime, though, being awake at 1:44 a.m. tends to be the result. Boo. Hiss.

Which brings me to my next point. It sure is an inopportune time to be sick with a 'make everyone leave the room cough' and fever. I don't have my shopping and baking done and, well, I'm not even close to being done. I wonder if my loved ones would mind receiving some used Tupperware this year and some fudge from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Co. Boo. Hiss.

Anyway. I did get out this morning to get my shopping started and I picked up some goodies for most of the young people in my life. Teenage girls are so much easier to shop for than boys. Their toys are so much more expensive which leaves not a lot of choices for the aunts who are on a budget. But while I was out I was reminded a couple times that all the hurry and scurry of this season can bring out the worst in people. After being almost run over in the parking lot by someone who really needed that parking space and almost being knocked over in the aisle by a lady whose way I was in, I remembered why I prefer to get my shopping done early. Boo. Hiss.

But while I lay here awake in the middle of the night, I'm thankful that I have a good job that gives me a two week Christmas break, that I even have loved ones I need to buy Christmas gifts for, and that I'm snuggled up in a nice warm bed. So many only dream of having a fraction of that. And I wonder...why me?

I is not so smart after all...

I am fired from the tech position in my home. And that makes me glad.

Last week Brad told me that his mail was not updating on his phone and it kept giving him error messages. Friday he started having problems with his email on his computer, and because of our mad schedule last week and through the weekend I kept putting off the task of taking a looksie since I have been the resident help desk in our home. Well...Sunday he cornered me and stamped his feet and jumped up and down and said, "Woman, fix my email!". Ok...well that is a little exaggerated but that makes for a better story!

Anyway.

I finally sat down to troubleshoot Sunday evening before the debacle at Jerry's World. And as I thought through how to fix it, I walked myself through this kind of issue at work and decided to take the route that I would take at work. So I clicked here and I clicked there. Here a click. There a click. Everywhere a click click. Ahem. Ok...so...I set up a new profile for him. Proud...I started up that puppy and that dadgum thing still gave me the error that it was giving him. Stupid computer. So I said, "I'm leaving this error on here and you are going to have to call and find out that password tomorrow." Which...if he'd done that in the first place none of this would've happened. But that is neither here nor there.

The next morning my very frustrated husband called me at my desk and said, "I got the password and now I'm in email, but all of my calendar appointments are missing, I can't find any of my contacts, and I now only have 13 emails!!"

Uh-oh.

Of course you lost everything because 1) I didn't practice what I preach at work by backing things up before I removed, and clicked, and deleted, and rebooted. And 2) because...um...oh yes...at work we are on an Exchange server and when I set up a new profile for a user at work, their email just populates like it should.

So for the last two days my shoulders have been up in my ears and my stomach has been in knots and my eye has been twitching because my husband was at home wondering what appointments he was missing and wondering how he was going to get back all of the documents that he had stored in email. And. I. Felt. Horrible. And worried. And tense.

But God. Oh my. But God. Funny how I always get the opportunity at some point in a crisis to say that.

I went to work today with my shoulders in my ears and went down to see my friend who is one of the most spiritually mature women I've ever known. She is a prayer warrior and is armed and ready at any second of the day. I always go to her when I need advice, when I need to vent, and when I need to be reminded of Who I serve. So today I went to her and told her what happened and that I knew that God knows where that email file is and exactly how to restore it and that I needed Him to show me or Brad or someone what to do. So she said she would call her husband because he was pretty techie and might know of a way to restore it. So she called him and he said, "should I call Brad?" She said yes and so he did.

About an hour later I got a text from Brad telling me that Joe, Takeia's husband, walked him through a system restore and was able to locate and retrieve everything we thought he'd lost. Praise-a-llujah y'all!

It may not seem like a huge deal. But there is way more to the story than what is written here. He knew before I ever met Takeia that this was going to happen and that Joe was the guy he'd use to help troubleshoot the problem. He knew at this season in time that I would need a fresh reminder of Who He is and what He's about. He knew. And He cared. And He went before us to orchestrate a series of events that would lead me to this blog to give Him the Glory that is due Him.

And He knows what you're facing. He knows how big or how small it is to you. And He cares...regardless of the size. He's gone before you to bring you to the season that you're in. Don't panic. And...Don't give up on Him. He's writing a beautiful story with you as the lead character. Anticipate.

Anticipate something beautiful.

The little things

It's been a little bit since I posted about things for which I am thankful, and I've come up with some things that make me smile.

1) Large text on my iPhone. Oh my. Mamaw can see, y'all!

2) Vince Gill's Christmas album, "Let There Be Peace On Earth". It's from a long time ago and it is go-ood.

3) Laughter. This one got me good and I laughed so hard I quit making noise and all I could do was slap my knee.

4) Technology. This is my mom getting a reading from her pacemaker to let her know all is well. And that gets a double dose of thankful.

And along those same lines I'm thankful for the Internet. I couldn't remember the word pacemaker so I googled "thing inside your chest to regulate your heartbeat" and voila - pacemaker popped up!

5) App updates. Yay!! Now I can play a Beth Moore video from the Life Today app without it stopping every time my iPhone screen goes to sleep!

6) The Original Bed Buddy Hot & Cold Pack. Woooweeee! I just throw that puppy in the microwave for one minute and apply the OBB to wherever mamaw hurts!

That's all...till next time.

Because my mom did it...

Saturday night eight other couples will gather at our house for our 3rd annual couples' Christmas bunko and I am so excited about it. It really is fun for people who like loud, and I do if it involves laughter and silliness, and this party does. It does.

Anyway, I went to the grocery store to get all the ingredients for all the food I'm going to make and I do believe that if I ever need a job as a cook for the army, I will have quite a resume to give them. I get it from my mom. My dad was a pastor and every year at Christmas we would have this big open house at Christmas and invite the whole church and my mom would cook for several days beforehand. Oh the food. It was everywhere. And. It. Was. Good. And so that's why I do it. Because my mom did.

Anyway...tonight I made my first yummy. It is a recipe I got from my friend, Tracy. I don't know what the actual name of it is called so I call it Tracy's Mix of Goodness. Here it is...

1 egg white
1/2 c sugar
1/2 t cinnamon
1/2 t salt
1 c almonds
2 c pretzels
1 c dried cranberries

Whip the egg white and add the sugar, cinnamon, and salt to it. Pour over the other. Bake for an hour at 225 - stirring every 15 minutes.

OMG.

Buffalo gals wontcha come out tonight...

I can't get to the end of the holiday season without watching It's a Wonderful Life at least three times because it is my all-time favorite Christmas movie! I love George Bailey and all his "silly stupid kids" and it is just not Christmas for me without him.

Sometimes I am like George Bailey, and sometimes I need a wake up call to remind me of all that I've got. It is no secret that I long to have children, yet at 43, have still not been blessed in that way. It is a struggle that I have dealt with for a really long time and have experienced much grief around the issue. The holidays are especially difficult because I'm surrounded with the reminder that I don't get the opportunity to experience the story of Baby Jesus, Santa or the Elf on the Shelf with my own little ones. At every turn, I'm surrounded by friends and acquaintances that are blessed in this very way. And I grieve all over again. It is the thing that hangs over my head and threatens my faith much like George Bailey's unsolicited inheritance - Bailey Bros. Building & Loan. Sometimes I'm able to hide the pain, and sometimes I'm not.

But. I didn't say all that to fish for some sympathy. I wrote it because the pain is raw again, and since I've walked this road for so long and because I've learned so much about Who God is, I need to acknowledge it and put it in its proper perspective. If I don't acknowledge it, it is the thing that can set my mind in motion to full on destruction and get me in a terrible place emotionally for a good amount of time...and...going to that place serves no purpose for the common good of me, my family, or anyone who crosses my path. Those are rags that I'm learning to not put back on again in my journey to being clothed in strength.

I also mention it because I know that I'm not alone. I know that there are others who feel this kind of pain every day. Maybe it's not the inability to have children. Maybe it's nothing like that. Whatever it is, it is real and it is valid, and I wholly believe that you (and I) are loved and you (and I) have not been forgotten.

In the movie, George is down and out, and things have gone south, and he sits at a bar and prays. He then encounters Clarence and it gets worse from there and everyone is acting weird and nobody even knows him including his wife and mother. When Clarence asks him why he's bleeding, he says, "I got a bust in the jaw in answer to a prayer." I've felt like George. I've thought many times that my prayers don't matter, but ALWAYS at the end of a season, I've been able to look back and see that God did answer my prayers. Not always has He answered in the way I prayed, but He's always made me well aware that He heard me and His answers have always been for my good. I will not stop praying for what matters to my heart.

It IS a wonderful life. I get to wake up every day to a wonderful husband who loves me; I was placed in two families who would go to the ends of the earth for me; I am surrounded by a plethora of friends who are like family to me; and I am blessed beyond measure.

Acknowledge your pain, give it it's due attention, cry out to God and tell Him how it hurts. And then...go...give your guardian angel his wings!