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Monday, April 30, 2012

The finish line...

Last night Brad and I crossed the proverbial finish line of the Daniel fast, and at times, I did feel as if I was running a marathon. We celebrated with our friends, who also did the fast, by throwing down some tex-mex at Anamias. And oh sweet heavens, it was the most delightful evening, maybe...of my entire life! OH MY WORD, it was SO good. I would share what we ate, but I scarfed it down so quickly that it's blurry as to what was actually on my plate.

When we started the fast, we weren't really aiming for a bunch of weight loss, although we knew that we would drop some poundage along the way. We really just wanted to detox from all the junk that our bodies have grown accustomed to needing and craving. But there are also extra things to learn and principles to be gleaned from something like this, and thankfully, I have some good take aways and changes I will try to make.

1. It's not the caffeine in coffee that I'm addicted to. It's the taste and aroma in the mornings that float my boat. The first day of the fast, I was draggy and lethargic, but I was fine after that. Decaffeinated coffee might just do the trick from here on out.

2. There are some delicious meals out there made of only vegetables! I know...I was shocked too! But it's true. And...we have decided to continue with a few days a week eating fruits and vegetables only.

3. Eating healthy had a positive impact on my rest. I was shocked at how well I slept every.single.night!! And now, after my tex-mex and sugar rendezvous, here I am...awake at 3:16 a.m. for the first time in 3 weeks!! Sound sleep was a definite plus and will be a factor in what I eat from now on!

4. I was never hungry. Not once. Ok...well maybe once or twice when I wasn't prepared and couldn't find a quick fix for the hunger pains! But anyway. Yes, I was faced with the truth that my bad eating habits are more of a mental and emotional issue than anything else. Which shouldn't surprise me because don't most bad habits stem from mental and emotional issues!

5. Spiritually. There were some ugly truths I knew about myself already, but they were resting peacefully in the shadows of my busy, hectic, eat on the go lifestyle. My natural bent toward rebellion is quite monstrous. If I can't have it, aye-yi-yi, I want it so much more. Now...because I'm a rule follower and a people pleaser, the rebellion is manifested in whining and complaining. Lord have mercy, I was a big grump for 3 weeks. It's the newest issue that needs to be tended to. And...it's no coincidence that the messages surrounding me lately are about submitting to God and being intentional. I will not be spiritually, mentally, emotionally, or physically fit by accident. That's a no brainer for some, but apparently I'm a hands on learner!

6. Sugar. It is bad! It is why I'm blogging at...now 5:22 in the morning...and not sleeping soundly!

If you were anywhere near me over the last 21 days, you are probably so happy that it is over because now you won't have to listen to me pour over all I can't have and all I wish I could. But I will do this again...and yes, I will start pressuring you to do it with me. If not for the detox and feeling better, then do it to go down a size in jeans like I did or lose 13 pounds like my boy, Brad, did! And...in 3 short weeks!

Vegetables...I bow to you. I have judged and condemned you unfairly, and you are not as bad as I once thought.

Monday, April 23, 2012

3, 2, 1...

That's right...3 days...yes...only 3 days left on my Daniel Fast. Without getting into too much detail, I only cheated a couple times, and just so you know, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. And if you don't believe me, then I challenge you to the Daniel Fast for 21 days. Then...we'll talk!

This week has been positively gnarly and I don't mean in a good way...and it started its descent on Tuesday. Tuesday. Well...it kicked my hiney. After sitting in a tiny office, that I'm sure sat at 50 degrees, watching a student take a test from 8:15 till 2:30, I went home and worked all evening troubleshooting something that didn't want to be troubleshot. I finally surrendered and closed my computer at 9:48 to put an end to the day. And certain that no day could be worse than Tuesday, I launched into Wednesday and Thursday just to find how very wrong I can be. I seriously feel I've been the main character in an episode of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Except it's been a week.

But back to the fast. I did manage to make a really really delicious Italian soup this week that Brad declared needed to be in our meal rotation from now on. And it was easy.

Purée a tomato (or two) and put it in a pan. Turn the heat to medium-high and add a tablespoon (or two) of olive oil, a clove of garlic and 1/4 cup of chopped onion. Sauté for a few minutes. Add some artichokes, mushrooms, zucchini, and any other vegetable you want. Stir in half a box of vegetable stock and as much Italian seasoning as you want. Simmer for about 30 minutes.

I served mine with toasted whole wheat flat bread with a tiny bit of vegan butter and garlic powder. It added a delicious finishing touch to the soup.

I'm sure glad it's Friday. This episode needs to end.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

What it looks like...

Today I was moved...and humbled...to tears.

I've been captivated lately by people who exude genuine selflessness. I think because I've just been surrounded...for a while now...with this theme. At every turn. So, naturally, I feel like there's good reason for it, and that there must be something in there I need to learn and implement in this regard.

But anyway. Today.

I sat and listened to a friend tell me about how her life is getting ready to change. Dramatically. She has two children. One is grown and is heading down the aisle soon to meet his bride. The other one has one year of high school left and is sitting at the top of her class and excels in pretty much everything she attempts. My friend's life is good. She's happy and content, and has a seemingly easy and low maintenance life. Right now.

I also listened as she told me about these 4 other children whose life is not good. Not happy. And nowhere near low maintenance. And it never has been. In their young lives they have endured and persevered through more than my mind can even fathom; the things their innocent eyes have seen is more than my heart can bear. When I think of how I...as an adult...long, so often, to feel protected, loved, and cared for; for hope when I'm in a rough season; to be filled when I'm empty...it's almost too much to take to imagine what they feel...daily.

But because of compassion. And kindness. And gentleness. And mercy. My friend and her husband are doing the only thing there is to do. They are offering hope to these kids and starting their parenting days...all over. They are filling out endless paperwork and preparing in countless ways for a multitude of children to join their family. They are holding out their arms and offering a new normal to kids who have been stripped of innocence.

In my Bible study tonight, the author asked, "what does being full of mercy look like for you?" She asked it of herself in her own quiet time, and then asked it of those who are doing the study. And I had to think about it in my own life. Humbly, I have to confess...so often there's so much of me, my and mine that I miss opportunities left and right to show mercy. Or I recognize opportunities, but put them off for later. A lot of the time...later never comes. Sigh.

Mercy.

I want to know it. Do it. Serve it up on silver platters.

My friend knows what mercy looks like in her world.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Pinterest, don't let me down...

House-hunting is for the birds. Yes. It is. Over the last three days I have walked in and around 13 houses, and I'm happy to report that they have all run together and I have no idea which is which. Except that I took notes and I may be able to differentiate with those. Maybe. But I definitely remember the ones I might have nightmares about, and for that...I'm not so excited. I'm fairly certain that one of them may have been the location of a murder. And if it wasn't...well...then I don't really have any need or desire to know what went on in that house. I didn't take notes on that one because, unfortunately the visual notes are planted in my memory till the day I die.

So.

Vegetables.

I tried my hand at the veggie burgers the other night, and they wouldn't stick together. I spent 2 hours in the kitchen chopping, grating, slicing, peeling, and mashing just to end up with veggie mush. I did have a helper though who I will not name. But he who shall not be named hurt his back, cut his finger, and bled all over the potatoes. Cooking is not for the faint of heart!

I used to love to cook and...well...I'm not really enjoying the cooking now. And because of all the hard work I've poured into the preparing of the meals over the last week where all but two of them resulted in yuckness...I'm a little hesitant to get back in the cooking saddle. So tonight I had an apple for dinner and Brad was left to fin for himself. He had roasted potatoes and a salad with salsa dressing. It was a cooking experience for him that was not as hazardous as his last endeavor.
And that made everyone's dinner experience more pleasant.

But the apple hasn't carried me too far.
So I'm headed over to Pinterest to see if I can find a recipe for the most delicious vegetable brownie you'll ever eat!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Oh the drama...

Rules. I'm so tired of rules yet I'm bound by them. Overwhelmed, yet in desperate need of them. Love and Loathe them. Energized and paralyzed by them. Strangled by and free from them. I don't want them but I SO do. I'm frustrated by those who don't follow rules, yet I long to be like them. And in my attempt to be free from rules, I run right back to them and tether myself to the place where the carrot dangles in my face. Although...I can't seem to get a clear view of what the carrot is or what it promises me once I capture it.

In my quest to understand this battle and this heart and soul God handpicked and strategically placed in me, I so get it one day, and the next day...baffled by the feeling that I'm lost and wandering without a purpose. As my favorite author has said, "no one frustrates me more than me." And that...I get!

My life is currently enveloped in rules and laws, and this is why I'm in such a quandary. I'm in the throws of a bible study in the book of James. If you are familiar with that book of the Bible, then you know that he can stir up some questions and rock your hermeneutics world before you know what's hit you. And for someone who grew up under a doctrine with lots of rules, it should be black and white. But it's not, and I'm being challenged beyond my level of comfort.

The weight of rules doesn't end there.

I'm also in the throws of a 21-day fast. The Daniel Fast. And there's really just one main rule...eat fruits and vegetables...only...and drink water...only...for 21 days. 21 days! That isn't a big deal, right? Right. I mean...I have endured way more difficult circumstances for way longer than that. And I lived; all was well, and the result was much growth.

So I realized yesterday, amidst all the drama going on inside my head, that the two things that should be refining and cleansing me are instead winding me up tighter than the bunny that just keeps going and going and going. I'm in awe at my husband's diligence and self-control while he downs the vegetables meal after meal AND doesn't.complain.at.all!! I'm in awe of the ease at which he delights in bland smoothies morning after morning and his steadfast commitment to see this thing through not once entertaining the thought of...ahem...quitting. It could be that these are a few of the traits in him that propelled him to the top of our high school graduating class and me...well...not at the top of our graduating class! It could be that this...this...is the trait in me that's needing to be tended to. A trait that factored in to God's decision to make Brad my husband. (Because I have learned that He will use our spouse when needed as a mirror to reflect changes that need to be made in us)!

Dang! So the thing about rules and laws is that they just show me how not together I truly am. And what I have discovered in the writing of this blog post is that in both of my 'thorns' I have made me the priority, and that I'm so distracted by the rules and what I'm being deprived of that there's no room for the refining and cleansing to take place.

And...

I have a choice in it all. I can close the book of James with the declaration that it's just too hard and I'm never going to understand it and move on to a feel-good study; and I can take this 21-day fast and place it on the shelf and drown my sorrow of defeat in a toffee nut latte...

or...

I can get up and take my self out of the equation. Embrace the opportunity I have before me to 'do it differently this time'. And look forward to the day when I will be refined and cleansed with the credentials to encourage others who, at some point, will need to persevere. I mean...His blessings on us are meant to be shared and not kept to ourselves. Right?

Friends...this is who I am without Him...a whiny, drama-y, spoiled, and unmotivated quitter. If I get through these things, it will absolutely be by the power of Christ that lives in me...and nothing...I mean...nothing...to do with me.

Oh...and just so you know...if I happen to engage you in a conversation about how hard I have it right now, just know it is a ploy to get permission to quit. Don't be deceived into feeling sorry for me. I have abundantly more than I need!!

Amen.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

My vegan days are numbered...

Oh my heavens...I felt great today. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't sleepy. I wasn't grumpy. And I didn't get a visit from the seven dwarves in case you're wondering. Oh...and I didn't oversleep. And then I came home. After I did my yoga, I felt really good and relaxed and then I hit a dadgum wall. Passed out on the couch. And woke up with my mouth wide open. I don't think I'm cut out for the vegan lifestyle.

Anyway...I have learned in the last three days how to be creative with food because really...I wasn't lying about the strawberries and celery...and I like strawberries and celery...not together of course....and I don't want to get burned out on them.

So.

I made veggie-stuffed peppers. And yum. They were quite tasty. Here's what I did.

Puréed a tomato. Put it in a pan. Added some olive oil and a little salt. Some garlic. Some Italian seasoning. And some lemon juice. Then I added vegetables - artichokes - zucchini - mushrooms - red bell pepper - and that's all because I was so hungry that first night I couldn't bring myself to chop another vegetable. Oh and some pinto beans. I let it simmer a while and then filled some orange bell peppers, poured a little tomato sauce on top and cooked for 30 minutes on 350.

Delish.


Monday, April 9, 2012

Day two of twenty-one...

Please pray for me. And for Brad. Yes...please pray for both of us.

I am on day 2 of the 21-day Daniel Fast. And I'm not gonna lie...I might just throw up if see another strawberry or celery stick lie down on my plate. And it's only day 2, y'all. DAY 2!! I can't have caffeine and I can't have meat and I can't have dairy and I can't have...ummm...c.h.o.c.o.l.a.t.e. And...OH MY WORD...that makes me want it so! It also makes for very rough mornings, which have never been easy or my best time of day, but now I'm dragging by the time I darken the doors at work. Yesterday, day 1, was harsh. I was sleepy all day, and after I finished dinner, I collapsed on the couch at 7, woke up and went to bed at 9:30, slept all night and didn't hear my alarm...at all! I just happened to wake up on my own to find that it was 6:15 and my alarm had been going off for an hour! Fortunately, I managed to make it to work on time...but it wasn't my best hair day.

I wonder if Daniel felt this way after a day or two of his fast or if he ever wanted to cry 'uncle' and run back and tell the King that he changed his mind and definitely wanted to eat at his table and enjoy all the fine foods he was being offered. I'm guessing he did, but I'm pretty sure that when he felt that way, he bent his knee in prayer. I mean...at the end of his training King Neb found no other trainee equal to him and his 3 sidekicks. So I'm sure if he'd had a blog, he wouldn't have spent his time complaining about what he couldn't have or how hungry he was. It's likely he would have listed his undeserved blessings he was receiving.

So...I will also stop complaining, and I will try not to dwell on the fact that my stomach is almost concave...ok, maybe concave is not the right word...and my arm is looking like one tasty piece of meat. Instead I will also dwell on my daily blessings and His new mercies as well as other things on my plate. (Get it...my plate!) Which brings me to my next point...

We have to move.

Yes...move. As in out of our house and into another one. And...ick...I can't stand moving. You see, our lease is up, and well...our landlords want their place back. Of course, things like this never present themselves at a convenient time, and this is no exception. We were hoping to stay here one more year so we could be in a better place next year to purchase. But God has a different plan, and I'm more than confident that it is way better than anything I could come up with on my own. It's just not clear yet.

So...

While you are praying for us to make it out of the 21-day Daniel Fast with all limbs intact, please also mention that we need a new place to reside.

Thanks. And enjoy your pizza.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

The cloud is making me lazy...

That is a sentence I never have imagined to come out of my mouth. But seriously...the cloud is making me lazy. Well...it's possible that I owned a few lazy character traits before the cloud came around, but the cloud is really not helping.

I woke up early this morning. 6:36 a.m. Unlike most mornings, though, I felt rested and ready to wake up. The first thing I wanted to do was to not get up, but lay in my warm bed and read my book that I purchased last week. It was Sunday and I had 3 hours before I had to get ready for church and the setup was perfect for some quiet reading time. And...it's one of those books I can't put down, and I love it when I find a book that captures my attention like that. I rubbed my eyes, stretched a little, and reached for my iPhone. I opened the book and started reading on the page that was bookmarked. After a paragraph or two, I realized that the text was familiar and I had already read it. And then I realized that yesterday when I read, I did so on my iPad. When I purchased the book, I downloaded it on my iPhone. And my iPad. And my iTouch. And OH MY WORD, I was going to have to get out of bed, go downstairs, and figure out where I stopped reading yesterday on my iPad. To add to my frustration, the page numbers are not the same on the iPad as they are on the iPhone. My quiet reading time...all the sudden...was not a relaxing venture, and I...was annoyed beyond measure!

But I did it. I got up and stomped downstairs and figured I should make some coffee and treat myself while I was down there for all the trouble I had to go through to find where I left off in my book. I mean...really...can't these people who create the smart phones be smart enough to make all my devices tell each other where my bookmark should be so that when I reach for one, I won't have to be put out and take 5 minutes out of my time to find the dang bookmark!

And then it hit me just how spoiled I am and we are in our society today. When my phone apps don't sync fast enough to the online version; or the internet icons just spin and spin and make me wait 15 seconds instead of 3 seconds to get to the dang website; or the device I just invested in last month is now a dinosaur and doesn't work with the latest software version...I am irritated to no end and taking my business elsewhere! I also thought about how it wasn't that long ago (just 20ish years or so) where my phone was hooked to my kitchen wall with a long plastic coiled cord and talking in privacy was not a thought that crossed my mind. And the book I was reading had a hard cover with colorful pictures on the front and was sitting on the kitchen table. The message I wanted to send my friend was written on notebook paper and folded neatly with a flap on the front and her name written in my handwriting and signed LYLAS! And I couldn't hear back from her till after 1st or 2nd period. And it was all good.

So I'm baffled by the fact that something that is supposed to make my life easier and more efficient and mobile is creating more work, more frustration, and more annoyance than any contraption I've ever owned. Yet, I find so often that I'm a slave to it!

Sometimes I wish we could just go back to the 80s, where we spent most of our time making our bangs stand tall and proud.