New Seasons: Clarity...

"I'll have to check with Deanna to see if she and Brad would be interested."

As my mom uttered these words my foggy mind struggled to comprehend what she was saying.  And the usual lies flooded my mind, "Don't get too excited. It's probably not going to happen for you this time either."

So I listened as she gave me what information she knew.  We small talked for a bit. I wished her a happy Mother's Day, we exchanged 'I love yous', and hung up. 

Matter of factly and void of emotion, I told Brad about our conversation.  And with the same lack of emotion he replied, "Let's each pray about it and come back together to talk about it in the next day or two."

The normal negative tape replayed once again in my mind..."Good grief...you are pathetic! This is never going to happen for you. Get on with your life and let it go.  And for crying out loud, don't tell anyone about this. You are just going to have to go back to them disappointed like you always have to do."  

So we dropped it. And the next morning during my quiet time I prayed. For wisdom beyond our own. For a peace that passes understanding. For clarity regarding this situation. And for Him to give both Brad and I the same message. 

The previous ten months had been a huge season of learning to trust in God for me, so I also declared my trust in Him and that I was certain that there was nothing that could separate us from His love.  I reminded Him also of many promises He made in His word for those who believe in his Son and call upon His name. I confessed that I was fearful that this is too good to be true and that we have gotten really comfortable with our present situation.  That I wasn't sure I was cut out for this job and truthfully I didn't know if I had really come to the place of contentment or if I had just tried to convince myself that I had. 

Back and forth my prayer went. Rambling out loud to my Savior. 

Silence.

"See...He doesn't hear you and His answer is still no. Get over it."

"He will never leave nor forsake me," was my unusual and new response.  "My God is good and I will start believing the Truth of His Word."  

One thing I've learned from studying scripture is that knowing it does me no good unless I believe it and act accordingly.  So I got up from my prayer time with nothing but determination to do it differently this time, and that every time discouragement knocked on my heart's door, I vowed to answer with Truth.  This time I was determined to face this giant with God's resources instead of my own. 

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Two days later, I woke up early again before work to start my day in prayer.  I've found that on days I do that, I'm a much more joyful individual.  It's a win-win for everyone! 

I sat down and opened my bible.  Before I could get to the scripture my devotional beckoned me to, two scriptures popped into my mind. 

James 1:27

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

And...

Psalm 82:3-4

Defend the weak and the fatherless;

uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.  Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.

"Deanna...this isn't about you. Your comfort. Your lifestyle. Your finances. What you are capable of or not capable of. At all. It is about Me. It is about a baby, whom I created and have a plan for.  If I can't use you, I will find someone with a willing heart whom I can use. 

He hears us when we ramble from our hearts. And sometimes...He spells it out.