Sometimes I can blow situations and circumstances up in my mind to dimensions mighty bigger than they really are. And sometimes when I do that, I wear it all over. My face, my shoulders, my emotions, and my mood. And not only am I clothed that way, I spray it all over those who come near. I snap at my husband; I roll my eyes at the new waitress who can't get my order right, or I engage in a monologue about how idiotic the slow driver is in front of me.
Last week I had a couple days like that. I was torn up with fear over some things over which I had no control. And no matter how I tried to work it out in my mind, I couldn't find the comfort or the peace that I was longing to feel. I felt helpless, hopeless, and out of control. And I was.
After a couple days of frustration, fear, little sleep, and knots in my stomach I finally went to the Place where my Christian upbringing and head knowledge told me I should've gone first. To God's Word…and to God…Himself. And as long as I have been a believer, and as much as He has brought me through, I was still somewhat skeptical that I would get up feeling any better. I decided to believe anyway that He could and that He would…I just didn't know when He would. And whispered through my tears, "I'm scared."
Now…I'm not a mom, but I'm fairly certain that if I were and my terrified child came to me in tears, I wouldn't ignore her…or him. I believe that even if I could not make the situation change immediately, I would say whatever I needed to turn that frown upside down so that my child could carry on with fullness of life and childlike demeanor.
Pardon me while I veer for a moment with some Bible history...
Jews were not allowed to enter the King's gates if they were wearing their mourning clothes…and just so you know...their mourning clothes were made up of sackcloth - which is course clothing - itchy and uncomfortable I'm sure, and ashes on their forehead. So I'm sure it was obvious to onlookers and passers by who was torn up and in mourning. An example of this is found in the OT book of Esther.
Mordecai, Esther's cousin, learned of a plot from Haman, one of the King's right hand men, to destroy the Jews. This catapulted Mordecai into a state of mourning…and I'm sure…frightened him right out of his mind. His only hope was his cousin, Esther, because she was already inside the King's courts...she had been made Queen Esther not too long before that. And through a series of events, Esther was able to approach the King and persuade him to get rid of Haman and save the Jews, thus lifting the burden off of Mordecai, herself, and all Jews who had been under the threat.
Fast forward to 2012…a lot has happened since Esther and Mordecai walked the planet.
One thing that happened…a pretty major event…was that God sent His Son to die on a cross for us. And because of that, we no longer have to put our hope in someone who is already inside our King's court. We can boldly approach His throne wearing our fears, worries, and angsts, and He will replace our sackcloth and ashes with something beautiful.
Isaiah 61:3 (NLT)
To all who mourn in Israel,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.
So...I opened up my bible and the verse I opened up to was a verse that I've read a million times…at least. But this time the message I got from the verse was completely different than anything I've ever understood it to be. And my tears poured out…not because I was afraid, but because my King had heard me! I approached His throne…scared right out of my mind…and stood up with a fresh perspective on my situation and a joy so deep and so immense that there was no longer any room for fear. And because of that, it not only changed my day that day, but it changed my week...giving me sustenance and patience far beyond my own to wait things out. Doors opened that I would not have seen open had I lingered in fear mode. But it wasn't anything I did. I just took all that I had and He made a trade with me.
Beauty for ashes. I want more.
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