The summer I wore the same clothes every day...

I will never judge another mother. Ever. As long as I live.

The end. 

New Seasons: Pins & needles...

Time creeps slowly by when you're waiting on a life-changing event that may or may not happen.

Over the next several weeks, we exchanged letters back and forth through the mail.  She introduced herself and told us a little bit about herself, and then she requested the same of us, so we each wrote her a letter.  As we got more familiar over mail, she requested that we set up a phone account so that she could call us every once in a while to talk even more.  Once we set up the account, she was able to call us, and did so once or twice a week. The more we got to know her, the more real and surreal this whole situation got.  And with each new development the more aware we were of just how God-orchestrated this whole thing was.

During our first phone call, she let us know that we were it.  Her choice for her baby.  In fact, we were her only choice and she had a feeling this baby would come early.  "Have you hired an attorney yet who could get the paperwork started?" she wondered out loud to us.

Things were getting real!

By this time it was late in July and we needed to secure an attorney.  So…on the last day of July, we met with an adoption attorney, who we had been referred to by one of Brad's acquaintances, and felt good about our visit and hired him.  He did not sugarcoat anything and told us that he would not speculate on how well this might go and let us know that our biggest mountain to overcome would be the tribe.  Under the Indian Child Welfare Act, if the tribe wanted this baby…they would get him and there was nothing we could do and our quest to adopt this baby would be over.  We left his office with the understanding that he would notify the tribe and begin to work with them to find out how involved they would be.

Pins and needles became our way of existing. Actually...my way of existing. My husband, my hero, was calm, collected and full of faith in "our God who brought us to this and will bring us through this".  I knew he was right and that if it were not God's will then it was something I really didn't want.  I'd lived out a few painful situations in my distant past that were not in His will and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I never wanted to be out of His will again.  I also knew very deeply that regardless of the outcome, my God is good and He would use it all for our good and His glory.

Still the temptation to believe that it was 'too good to be true' weighed heavily on my heart and the battle was intense between faith and hopelessness.  I wanted this with every fiber of my being and was beyond excited that we had gotten this far, but frightened to the core that something or someone would thwart the desired outcome.  After all, we not only were out of state, but we were dealing with an individual who was incarcerated that was part Native American, and DHS would most certainly be involved if we got past the tribe.  It was messy, and we had a lot of obstacles working against us.

*******************************

Days turned into weeks and our attorney's communication skills left a lot to be desired.  A week and half went by and we heard nothing from him.  He did not return emails or phone calls, and my angst that he had taken the retainer fee and run was getting the best of me.  I had knots in my stomach and eating became a chore.  The only thing over which I had control…again…was to pray.  So I did and, as always, my peace was restored.  God used my busy schedule at work, reminders of His Sovereignty throughout each day, and sent many breadcrumbs of encouragement my way to do so.  For the first time in my grown up life, I was actually starting to see the answers to things I was asking of Him daily while waiting on the answer to the big thing I was asking of Him. And in that I was being sustained. I had to be careful to purposefully feast on the manna He was providing one day at a time.  When I focused too far into the future, fear became my companion and I would unravel quickly.  Those days weren't fun...for anyone! 

We finally heard from lawyer Larry after he returned from vacation which we did not know he was on.  He was calm and casual and not too worried that time was waning and we weren't too far out from the due date of the baby.  He had not contacted the tribe.  He had not scheduled our Home Study.  He had not hired an attorney in Oklahoma to take care of that side of things.  No…he had been on vacation and we were the last of his worries.

I had to pray some more.

And a little bit more.

And then some more.

*******************************

On Wednesday, September 4th, after several fires we had to light under our attorney, we got word that the baby fell 1/16th short of what the tribe considered Native Ameircan.  We were now free to continue our pursuit of adopting a baby boy, whom we had started referring to as Jackson Bradley, and the tribe would not be involved at all in trying to get him.

I don't know if I've ever experienced such relief.  This was our biggest obstacle and in one phone call this obstacle had been removed.  

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

New Seasons: Waiting...

Once we decided to move forward, waiting became our cross to bear.  In that time, I found that I'm not so good at it! I realized that was the space in which I needed to learn most about about trust and that waiting, in and of itself, was not a bad thing. It didn't always mean the answer was no.  It is the space, in my life, where the enemy of my soul has always triumphed. It is the space where the battle has always been the fiercest.  It is the space where I have always experienced defeat. 

This time, though, I was still determined to face this battle on my knees and fully dressed in the armor of God. 

Days and weeks went by and we heard nothing. The girl who was having a baby kept not showing up to the Bible study where Katie would tell her about us, and contacting her was not just something we could easily do. Prison was our barrier. (Isn't it always!). So we either had to wait till she came back to Bible study or God was going to have to move a mountain.

We had control over nothing, and the temptation to practice impatience and discouragement was mountainous. After school was out in early June I was at the cusp of waving the white flag, like I have done so many times before, and give up hope. But I remembered my vow...this time I would do it differently. This time, when discouragement knocked on my heart's door, I vowed to answer with Truth.  So I sat down to spend some time in God's word. 

Over the past few years, I have studied a lot. I know the scriptures. I know the stories. I know the principles He calls us to live by.  Studying has become a habit and something I have found crucial to my very existence.  I've realized, though, that victorious living doesn't happen by habit and going through the motions.   And it certainly doesn't make a difference to know it, yet live in fear and defeat. 

One thing I had known for a while was that I was lacking in my prayer life.  I'm not great with expressing myself verbally and really it is just a place where I'm awkward. It wasn't that I didn't believe in the power of prayer...it was just something that had not been developed in my pursuit of victorious living.  Still, I felt God beckoning me to pour out my awkward heart. So I did.

"Here's what is on my heart, Lord.  This baby in Oklahoma that may or may not be born yet. You created him and you created his mom. And I know you have a plan because that's what your Word says. I don't know why this situation has crossed my path and I don't really understand how my husband and I fit in to it. But you do. And Lord, I don't know what to do. And I don't know what you want me to do. Or if you want me to do anything…"

     Call the prison. 

Ummm...what?

     Call the prison.  

     Trust. 

Lord, I'm scared. What do I say?

     Silence. 

Ugh!  He's so bossy sometimes!  And calling a prison is not in my character. It's too scary! What would I possibly say and frankly are they really going to give some chick with a Texas accent any information about an inmate that she doesn't know!  It was tempting to just go with this thought and go about my day instead of what I felt God was telling me to do.

But because I'm doing it differently this time, I did. And as I dialed, I prayed for the person who would answer. 

And to my surprise, the lady who answered listened to my awkward spiel, and like a nurturing mother said, "Honey, you need to write a letter to the mom, and tell her everything you just told me."  She then proceeded to give me the address and inmate number of our girl. 

I know she was an angel because since that day, no one at that prison has been friendly or helpful again. 

So I did what she said. And let me just say that writing a letter to someone to ask if you can have their baby is truly an awkward situation!

*****************************

An idle mind is the devil's workshop.

Well…that is putting it mildly!!!  After we wrote the letter to our girl, waiting for a response was excruciating.  In this digital age where we have answers immediately to most everything and have come to need it so, snail mail was less than satisfactory.  It was our only option, though.  So we waited.

And waited.

   And moped.

And waited.

   And cried.

And waited.

   And plead with God.

And waited.

   And cried.

And two weeks later, I opened the mailbox, and a letter from a prison inmate in Oklahoma sat on top of a stack of other less important mail.  I opened it gently.  Haha…just kidding!  I tore into it and sat in disbelief at the message…

Hello.  I received your card in the mail yesterday and wanted to get back in contact with you.  I have recently made plans for my baby and have chosen a family for him.

However.  (Oh…I love however!)

God laid it on my heart to share your card with a good friend of mine who is in the same situation.  She read your card and is definitely interested in giving her baby up for adoption, and she is interested in meeting with both of you soon.  Her baby is due in September.

She then gave us the information we needed and urged us to send a letter to her friend.

Two voices whispered in my ear…

   Don't get too excited…she won't choose you.

and

     I will never leave nor forsake you.

I had a another choice to make.  Which one would I believe?

*****************************

June 24, 2013...

"Lord...today is the day she will read our letter.  Please help me today.  I'm a wreck."

My prayer was short and sweet and to the point.  I rose to go about my day, opened Facebook to see what was up with my friends, and this was the first post I saw...

New Seasons: Clarity...

"I'll have to check with Deanna to see if she and Brad would be interested."

As my mom uttered these words my foggy mind struggled to comprehend what she was saying.  And the usual lies flooded my mind, "Don't get too excited. It's probably not going to happen for you this time either."

So I listened as she gave me what information she knew.  We small talked for a bit. I wished her a happy Mother's Day, we exchanged 'I love yous', and hung up. 

Matter of factly and void of emotion, I told Brad about our conversation.  And with the same lack of emotion he replied, "Let's each pray about it and come back together to talk about it in the next day or two."

The normal negative tape replayed once again in my mind..."Good grief...you are pathetic! This is never going to happen for you. Get on with your life and let it go.  And for crying out loud, don't tell anyone about this. You are just going to have to go back to them disappointed like you always have to do."  

So we dropped it. And the next morning during my quiet time I prayed. For wisdom beyond our own. For a peace that passes understanding. For clarity regarding this situation. And for Him to give both Brad and I the same message. 

The previous ten months had been a huge season of learning to trust in God for me, so I also declared my trust in Him and that I was certain that there was nothing that could separate us from His love.  I reminded Him also of many promises He made in His word for those who believe in his Son and call upon His name. I confessed that I was fearful that this is too good to be true and that we have gotten really comfortable with our present situation.  That I wasn't sure I was cut out for this job and truthfully I didn't know if I had really come to the place of contentment or if I had just tried to convince myself that I had. 

Back and forth my prayer went. Rambling out loud to my Savior. 

Silence.

"See...He doesn't hear you and His answer is still no. Get over it."

"He will never leave nor forsake me," was my unusual and new response.  "My God is good and I will start believing the Truth of His Word."  

One thing I've learned from studying scripture is that knowing it does me no good unless I believe it and act accordingly.  So I got up from my prayer time with nothing but determination to do it differently this time, and that every time discouragement knocked on my heart's door, I vowed to answer with Truth.  This time I was determined to face this giant with God's resources instead of my own. 

*****************************

Two days later, I woke up early again before work to start my day in prayer.  I've found that on days I do that, I'm a much more joyful individual.  It's a win-win for everyone! 

I sat down and opened my bible.  Before I could get to the scripture my devotional beckoned me to, two scriptures popped into my mind. 

James 1:27

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

And...

Psalm 82:3-4

Defend the weak and the fatherless;

uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.  Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.

"Deanna...this isn't about you. Your comfort. Your lifestyle. Your finances. What you are capable of or not capable of. At all. It is about Me. It is about a baby, whom I created and have a plan for.  If I can't use you, I will find someone with a willing heart whom I can use. 

He hears us when we ramble from our hearts. And sometimes...He spells it out. 

New Seasons: Always call Mom on Mother's Day!

Since we made our announcement known that we are adopting a baby, we've had numerous inquiries of the details as to how it's come to be.  We've tried, as best we can, to put it in a nutshell, but if you know my husband and I at all, nutshells turn in to long drawn out stories with more details than the person asking ever wanted.  I've sat down several times over the last few weeks to write this out and have tried each time to make it not so sappy; to give just the facts and details.  Each time I've come up lacking, and in so doing, I've realized that our story really is not our story, and we are not the authors.  The Author is God...and Him alone...and to exclude His part would make it highly inaccurate, skewed, and boring.  He is the only reason it has unfolded the way that it has.  We are just two of His main characters in it.  So, for those of you who are interested in the long version, here's the story He's writing in our life.

************************************

The background...

If you've known me very long you know that I am overly sensitive sometimes. 

Ok...often. 

You also know that I struggle with telling a story and that details confuse me; that I lose the simplest of words and that sometimes I forget what I'm saying or doing while I'm saying or doing it; that I follow rules and that throwing caution to the wind just doesn't happen very often with me. You know the depth of my scars and bruises and that they can easily become my security blanket.  

What can I say...I'm an open book...and if you've known me very long, you probably know more about me than you ever wanted to. 

You also know that despite my deep longing for children, it's never become a reality in my world. And you've seen how much pain that has caused.  Some of you have ached with me. Listened as I wondered out loud "why?"  Cried with me. Advised me. Prayed for me. Reasoned for me. And told me stories of hope in other people's lives. 

And for over fifteen years, I've grown accustomed to this limp I've been called to endure. In that time, much has changed in my life and circumstances...too much to tell.  Too many seasons to describe.  I've changed. My thoughts and views have changed. My heart. My desires. My plans. And 'it' has accompanied me through the journey of it all. But I grew comfortable. Content. Happy and peaceful to stay...right here in this place...holding tightly to this limp with which I walk life's path.  I know how to do it, and it doesn't require much thought or emotion anymore.  Oh it creeps up on me every once in awhile, but nothing a good cry and temper tantrum won't fix.  Bless the man who walks this journey with me!  Love him. 

The only thing that hasn't changed on this journey is God's presence. Often I have ignored Him. Other times I have questioned Him. I have praised and thanked him. I have acted in direct opposition to Him.  And still other times I have thrown a fit and yelled at Him.  His response has never wavered and He has never abandoned me.  Often He has answered with a simple Trust me and on other occasions the truth of His Word has silently comforted my broken heart.  Many times He's allowed the consequences of my own bad decisions to answer for Him.  But every day He has been there...wherever I am...in the pit of despair or on the peak of a beautiful mountain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

    Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

    if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

    your right hand will hold me fast.

Psalm 139:8-10

And because He's the only one who knows the depths to which my mind and heart have dipped, soared, and pondered, He's also the only one who could have known that a simple phone call to my mom on Mother's Day 2013 would be the first in a chain of events that would lead us into yet another season.

************************************

May 12, 2013 ~ Mothers Day...

This day is hard. Every year. And every year, in the days and hours leading up to Mothers Day, I try to convince myself that "this year it won't be hard. I really think I'm ok and it won't phase me that I am still childless...at 40, 41, 42, 43, 44...".  I just need to make sure I stay off of Facebook and Twitter where everyone I know posts all the wonderful ways in which they are being honored by their children today. And…oh my...don't go to church. There all the moms will be getting some sort of beautiful long-stemmed flower and will be asked to stand so the whole congregation can honor you…while I sit quietly aching to stand, too. Oh...and the store. Don't go to the store. I will be the only female there since all the dads and kids are letting Mom hang out at the spa while they buy the groceries and cards and flowers and what not.  

Yes. This is the year it will be easy. 

And then the sun rises at dawn on Mother's Day. 

My heart is heavy.

The floodgates open. 

And the tears spill out from a place deeper than I knew existed.  Deeper and more painful than last year.  And I don't know why…I mean, I had resolved that I was over it.

I wonder out loud to God,

"Will this ever not be difficult?"

"Will I ever not wonder if You have heard any of my prayers?"

"Will this longing ever completely go away?"

And the enemy whispers his usual reminder,

"No."

"No."

"No…this is never going to happen for you.  Move on."

Then I bury the ache and resuscitate hope.  Hope...that maybe next year it won't hurt quite as badly as it did this time. 

*****************************

I sit on the bed and lean against the headboard. Relieved that this day will soon end, I make a plea to Siri to dial Mom. While she finds the number and rings my parents' house, I realize that Mother's Day 2013 has proven to be no different. This, in fact was not the year it was easy. 

But because I have mastered the art of managing it, I navigated the steps careful to avoid land mines.  I cried. I asked God why?  I searched the scriptures for hope. I withdrew from the world where want and desire loom on the horizon. Yes...the familiarity of it all almost allows me to manage it in my sleep. 

And then I was ok. 

Which is code for numb.  

My mom's voice on the other end snaps me back into the moment. 

I soften at the sound of her voice. Because truly there is no other earthly voice that can soothe my distraught soul than the voices of my mom and dad. 

She's had a good day and recounts to me all that she did and the wonderful ways in which my dad honored her.

"After church and lunch, we went to Courtney's (my niece) baccalaureate and sat behind the Kimbros.  Marian's son is graduating in the same class as Courtney.  And we just started visiting and they asked about you and how you were doing. So I was just telling them a little bit about you and Brad, and I mentioned that you all had never been able to have a baby and was telling them a little bit about how hard that's been.  And then Katie said, "I know of a baby right now that needs a home…"

PTSD...

I can't stand bugs.  And I don't even know if I have any words adequate to explain how frightened I am by ones that sting and bite and do other terrible things to us. 

Scorpions...for example. 

They are horrid to look upon, they have a ridiculous tail that whips around and sticks its stinger in whatever comes near, and they are just freaking there when you least expect them to be...without any warning. It must be stressful for them to have such an evil existence. And I tell you what...when you wake up in the middle of the night with one on your head...well...it makes you scream out things that you normally would not utter.  And that is what happened to me last night...or...early this morning would be more like it. 

All I was doing was sleeping. Something startled me and I jerked myself up. My index and middle finger had a burning sensation as if I had a carpet burn, so I got out of bed and turned on the light to make sure there was nothing in bed with me. I shook the covers and nothing appeared. So I got back in bed and turned out the light. A few minutes later, I felt something whisk my hair, so I brushed my hand across my head and felt something moving. Freaked completely out...because that's what stupid bugs of all kinds do to me, I was out of bed and standing on the floor in less than a millisecond. And when I turned on the light, I saw a scorpion on the side of the bed.  My heart almost just beat right on out of my chest and I was a sweaty mess with a few choice words flying out my mouth.  I grabbed my phone and flipped him off the bed on to the floor and chased him down with my shoe. I beat that sucker so senseless that he was bouncing all over the place. 

This was him just after he met his demise...

And tonight, wrapped up in my sweatshirt and blankets because he might have left some friends behind is making it extremely difficult to get any zzzz's. 

And here is me...the night after the trauma.  I'm not sure but I may have a case of PTSD. 

I'm not one to exxagerate or be overly dramatic, but I'm not sure I'll ever sleep again.

Beware of rambling...

Well...the sleepless nights are here. I know because I'm in the middle of one right now. It happens every summer. After taking a week or so to sleep off the school year, then I'm ready to play...and apparently not just in the daytime.  And the wonky thing is that I will be in this mode for a few weeks and just as I am getting used to my new sleep schedule it will be time to set the alarm for school again. I know...this really is a problem that people in the corporate world really don't want to hear about. 

So I will change the subject. 

How is that for transition?  

I would have made the students in my English class revise that because you aren't suppose to tell your audience you are transitioning...you're just supposed to do it. Tales from an 8th grade English teacher. 

Ok...so...

I was in Hobby Lobby the other day. I love that store by the way. And what to my wondering eyes did appear but pumpkins and other fall house decor! What?  And guess what was on the top of those shelves? Yes...Christmas stuff! Now...that doesn't really bother me like it does other people...I just don't remember seeing it out this early before. It kinda made me want a pumpkin spice latte!  But then I went to the pool and I no longer wanted a pumpkin spice latte. 

I wanted a big tub of ice. 

But that was not feasible, so I just sat on the side of the pool and dangled my legs in the water. 

Which leads me to my next tidbit. Actually my next tidbit has nothing to do with dangling my legs in the water. But it sounded good...and clearly this post is just a big rambling session. 

But anyway...I ran 3 miles on Tuesday. That's really not a big deal except that I did it without stopping. And because I haven't run in several weeks, not stopping and gasping for air is a big deal. 

You see...when you run and train for a race you have to do it consistently for months before the race...so that you can run the race without stopping and gasping for air. If you don't train, it makes it incredibly difficult to endure the race. 

I haven't been running, but I have been strength training hard and consistently for the last 10 weeks.  And because I have strengthened my muscles, I was able to run my 3 miles easily without being physically exhausted.  

It's the same principle in my spiritual life. When I strengthen my spiritual muscles daily, this race I run does not exhaust me. Instead I can endure...hardships, disappointments, conflict, the mundane. Whatever life has to offer.  

Strength starts on the inside and works its way out. 

Goodnight y'all. 

Ziplisty Doo Dah...

I'm so bummed. My other half stole the remote on Sunday and therefore controlled it all day. As a result, I took in 486 hours of The U.S. Open and after that was over I was made to take in the 243 hours of NBA Finals. And do you know what that means?  Yes...It means I missed the Miss USA Pageant. Durn! And it's not about all the pageantry and big hair and beautiful dresses. It's about all the sports I had to endure. And it was two of the most boring sports of all.  And you would think that I would - with all the watching of it - actually get the game of golf and basketball, but I still don't understand the game of golf or basketball other than the object is to get the ball in the hole or net.  The calls like 'icing' and 'fumble' confuse me!  Haha...just kidding. I know golf pros aren't called for that...only basketball players are!

I guess I will get over it since that was two days ago and I have other more important things to think about today.   Like what I'm going to do since I have the whole day to not watch golf or basketball.  I love summer!

Oh oh...I found the coolest app for people who go to the grocery store.  It's called Ziplist!  It will change your life.  You can search for recipes and when you find one you like you have two choices. You can add the recipe to your recipe box so you never have to search for it again and you can add the ingredients to your shopping list!  Oh my and here's the best part...the recipes are the same recipes you find on Pinterest. Oh my word I was so happy when I saw that because I use a LOT of recipes from Pinterest. And now I don't have to go back and forth between my shopping list app and my Pinterest app to add items to my grocery list. It's all in one place!  Joy!!  Here is what it looks like...

Another highlight of my summer so far is my new bible study I've just started. It's called Gideon: Your Weakness God's Strength.  It was written by Priscilla Shirer and it is a great study so far. And I am personally connecting to it because...well...I have a lot of weaknesses!   So it's now time for me to sit and learn before I get too far into my day!

See ya later!!

My Dad...

I remember as I was growing up walking in the kitchen in the mornings to see my Dad sitting at the table reading his bible and drinking coffee. "Well, good morning, Baby Doll" was always his greeting.  I don't remember what my reply always was, but I'm fairly certain it was more like a growl than anything cheerful like his greeting.  Mornings have never been my time to shine, but that never once affected his happy nature and decision to love me anyway. 

I remember watching my Dad as he dedicated his life to the Lord by serving as a pastor.  I've heard many who were under his shepherding thank him on countless occasions for leading them well.  And I've witnessed a few who weren't as gracious.  That career is by no means an easy one, but that never once affected his happy nature and decision to love anyway. 

I remember watching as he faced a cancer diagnosis that was scary and uncertain.  As all the women in his family fell apart, it never affected his happy nature and decision to trust God anyway. 

I've watched as he has embraced his kids when faced with some really tough stuff.  I'm sure that the dad in him wanted to tear into those who messed with them.  But he didn't. Those situations never once affected his happy nature and his decision to instruct us to love anyway. 

And I've watched him in his retirement. A time when a lot of people take off and do the things they never got to do while they were in the midst of their career and raising a family.  But my dad has never once been affected by what he is entitled to and has every right to do.  He is busy in his retirement helping others to paint their house, install sprinkler systems, re-stain old furniture, change light bulbs, or whatever else others might need.  But most importantly gifting the greater OKC area with his peanut brittle crack!  He is busy...still...serving, giving, and loving others anyway.  

I was privileged as recent as last week to hear his morning greeting because he and my mom got to stay at my house for the weekend.  And as I've thought about him this last week, I've wondered how this gentle giant has been able to remain unaffected by the hardships of life and make the decision to love anyway. 

And then I see vividly in my mind the picture I saw every morning during my growing up years...him sitting at the table reading his bible. 

Makes perfect sense.

Happy Father's Day to my wonderful Dad. I love you!!

Strength in the flesh...

Sometimes I don't think Webster does justice to some words. Strength is one of those words, and of this word he says...

     - noun

     1.the quality or state of being strong; bodily ormuscular power; vigor.

     2.mental power, force, or vigor.

     3.moral power, firmness, or courage.

     4.power by reason of influence, authority,resources, numbers, etc.

But I understand strength in a different way.  Three ways...to be exact...that can't be defined in a dictionary. It's through three different women...very special women.  Only one gave birth to me but all three raised me.

My mom.  I really don't think I know anyone who has a heart for giving more than this little lady.  Time. Money. Her own belongings.  Whatever she has, she gives to others and goes to the ends of the earth when needed to do so.  She loves with every fiber of her being and she fulfills her purpose on this earth with zeal, compassion, and determination.  Strength.

My oldest sister, Sherri. This little fireball is the happiest-go-lucky woman I've ever known. Always happy, always smiling, and always available to help in any way she can.  Nothing can knock her down and if anything threatens to, she plants her feet firmly into the ground and  welcomes it with the challenge to "bring it".  So many times in my life when I haven't been able to, she has stood (on a step stool) (haha...couldn't resist) in front of me with her 'dukes' up for me just waiting to take down whatever or whoever is messing with me.  Strength.

My sister closest in age to me but still older, :) Patti.  Her name and her very existence in my life means rest.  She has the most amazing gift to just take care of people.  And that is what she has done most of my life.  She has single-handedly taken more mountains in my life than I can count and turned them into flat ground for me to walk upon. And I have watched her do that over and over and over for countless others.  And when she is in any room, rest is just present. Strength.

Often I wonder why God chose me to be be in this family of wonderful women. But by example, all three of them have taught me about being a God-fearing woman. And because of that, I choose not to question Him. 

I just thank Him every single day.

A new level of boring...

I'm not sure when the last time was that I smelled like a 5th grader. You know...the ones who are entering the age of puberty whilst enjoying a good day in the humidity and wind in the spring. Oh you are not familiar with that aromatic mixture? I'm sure a teacher will be able to give you a good idea of that scent.

Anyway...today was one of those days where it was obvious I had been with kids...outside...on a humid and windy day...during spring...in Texas. Yes...it was field day at one of my campuses. And was a very long day indeed. So it's not surprising that I am laying awake at precisely 1:28 a.m. because when I came in from work I collapsed on the couch and did not move for a couple of hours. A nap was needed and a nap is what I got.

And after that nap, I decided that there was no real point in getting up to do anything because...well...it was only five hours till I would be going to bed and why bother. So I stayed. And watched a few back to back episodes of Reba; I played several rounds of Tetris on my new Google Chrome Book; tuned in to the 1980s version of Footloose - and oh boy did that music take me back to a time when doo doo curls were hip and Kevin Bacon didn't have wrinkles and everyone knew that this was Almost Paradise. Then...I watched Shark Tank and 20/20 with my favorite guy. Let's hear it for the boy!

And that is how to have the most boring Friday ever. You can actually say to your friends that you have now read the most boring blog post of your entire life.

Cause and effect...

Easter is my most favorite holiday.  I'm not necessarily so big on the egg hunts and all the marshmallow birdies, and it's not even all the chocolate wrapped in pastel foil.  I mean…yeah…I like those things.  And I do partake.

What I love the most, though, is how the significance of the move Christ made for me on the Cross impacts me.  It humbles me.  Reminds me.  Teaches me something new.  Refreshes me.  And brings new life to places in me that are parched.  Always.  Not to say that the rest of the year I'm not affected by His act of love for me and us, because I am…deeply…often.

A few days after the sun had set on Easter, I was re-reading the events that took place during the last week of Jesus' life.  I've read and heard the story hundreds of times…and struggled each time to wrap my head around what He did for me.  And this year was no different.  However, there was part of the story this time that came off the page at me in a way I'd never known.  And it was this:

John 13:3-5 ~ Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.  After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

These twelve people, the disciples, that surrounded him at the Last Supper trusted him and followed him one day and doubted, denied, and betrayed him the next.  Often they didn’t get what he was trying to teach them and, as well, questioned him when he instructed them to get out of the boat, keep their eyes on him, or cast their fishing nets on the other side.  They repeatedly fell asleep when he asked them to pray.  They were constantly wanting to know which of them was going to be greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  They had really given him no good reason to one by one wash their nasty feet.

So why would He?  Yes…I know.  He was God.  I get that.  But He was also fully man.  Just like us!  Which meant he could probably get annoyed.  And perturbed.  And irritated at friends who didn't use common sense.  Or hurt his feelings. Let alone betray and deny him.

Instead...he served them.

And as I read and re-read the passage, and thought about what it was that enabled him to do so, these things leapt off the page at me.

  1. He knew who He was. (Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power…)

  2. He knew where He came from. (…and that he had come from God…)

  3. He knew where He was going. (…and was returning to God…)

So…He served.

Cause and effect.

Knowledge. Something that penetrated and resided deep inside his mind, heart, soul, and bones so much that serving others was his natural response…to anyone.  His true identity.

And then some more stuff hit me right between the eyes.

I have access to the the same knowledge and identity.  And so does every person who believes.

2 Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:  The old has gone, the new is here!

New creations in Christ...but only because of his life, death, and resurrection.

Counting sheep in the digital age...

The sheep were all sleeping tonight so I was forced to count something else while I lay awake. And because I have my handy dandy smart phone, I can record my findings. Things that are awesome...

•A good night's sleep
•The realization that one of God's promises He spoke only to you has been fulfilled.
•The feeling of giddy.
•The sore you feel the day after a hard workout.
•Crossing the finish line of a half marathon.
•Runners high.
•Cinnamon toast and chocolate milk.
•First warm sunny of spring.
•First cool crisp day of fall.
•Snow on Christmas.
•Babies.
•A rainy day off work.
•The burst of flavor in a fresh piece of gum.
•New sunglasses.
•God things.
•When your team wins.
•Your wedding.
•When your dad gets to officiate your wedding.
•Answered prayers.
•The one where Chandler pees on Monica.
•The first day of school.
•The last day of school.
•A wound that is healed.
•Hot buttered rolls.
•The first Pumpkin Spice Latte of the season.
•Apps that sync on all your devices.
•A laughing baby.
•Lucy Ricardo.
•Belly laughs.
•Red wine and chocolate.
•Isaiah 41:10.
•Pedicures.
•Good sing-alongs.
•Puppies.
•A new desk calendar.
•Filling in all your days off on your new desk calendar.
•An empty dishwasher.
•Snow days.
•New pens.
•Being part of an answered prayer for someone.

And I'm positive there's more.
But I'm out.
Goodnight y'all!

Fit Friday: Get your arms ready for summer...

I couldn't get outside fast enough today because the weather here in Big D is g.o.r.g.e.o.u.s!!  However, there were some errands that topped my list before I could do anything else.  So I ran to the doctor and the outdoor mall and the grocery store to get these items crossed off;  hurried home, changed, and hit the patio.

And as I sat in the sun, I got a glimpse of my arms and realized I have a little bit of work to do before they are ready for summer tank tops. So I did a little searching and found this article on some moves for your arms.

Take a looksie.

Then get outside and enjoy a beautiful St. Patty's Day weekend!

Goodbyes are too hard...

It's been a long time since I cried like a baby. Really. And it was the ugly cry where I snorted a little bit and had mascara in places it wasn't meant to be. But it was just really so sad to say goodbye to JR Ewing on last night's episode of Dallas. They even changed the intro music to a sad rendition.  Now...I really don't think I would have cried that hard if it was just his character we were saying goodbye to. The fact that he is really gone was too much. And my favorite line was Sue Ellen's when she said "He was the most infuriating charming scoundrel I ever knew." That just about sums up his character perfectly. And I will miss his conniving ways because he was the best villain ever!

And today's tragedy is that I'm out of hummus! Which means that I cannot dip these little gems in them.

Y'all! I'm telling you what...those things are delicious and I cannot get enough of them. And that's not a bad thing because they are excellent snacks for clean eating. At 40 calories per serving, no fat, high in fiber and vitamin C...they are a tasty little dish.

And that's all my sad news for today. I must get out in this gorgeous spring break weather and put on a happy face.

Because life goes on.

Even without JR Ewing and roasted red pepper hummus!

Fit Friday: Stretching

It's been a while since I posted a Fit Friday tip.  What can I say?  My full time job gets the best of me sometimes.  Which is exactly why today's tip is SO important and beneficial not only to our physical health, but our mental health as well.  

Stretching.

I've not only been researching the benefits of stretching, but I've also been implementing more of it on a weekly basis.  And the one thing I can tell you is that it is changing the level of my cardio and strength workouts.  When I can fit in a 15-minute stretch or yoga sequence before a long run, it provides me with a robust (well…more robust than normal) mental energy…and we all know that mental energy is a significant prerequisite to physical energy.  A sweet friend of mine sent me a quote the other day that says "Your mind will quit 100 times before your body ever does."  And I know that to be true.

Some benefits of stretching include:

1.  Increased flexibility

2.  Improved circulation

3.  Improved balance and coordination

4.  Improved cardio health/athletic performance

5.  Increased range of motion

6.  Reduced muscle tension

7.  Alleviates lower back pain/injury

8.  Reduces stress

So…just do it.  Make sure you are doing some pre and post workout stretching.  And when you can, fit in a yoga class or sequence.  Your body will thank you.

Here are some links to some great stretching exercises.

Bodybuilding.com - Stretching Exercises

Livestrong

Fitness Magazine Online

Have a super weekend!

Hooked...

So I've been in a writing funk for a while and the words are just absent. I think that was clear from my last post. And it isn't that I haven't tried because I have. No really...I have. If you could see all the blog notes I've started but haven't finished over the last month you might be more apt to believe me. But since you can't, you will have to take my word for it.

Tonight I am going to see this post through to its entirety even if it turns out to be one where I'm rambling. Sometimes a girl just needs to ramble. And this is one of the reasons I am so glad I married the guy that I did. Because he rambles too. Sometimes we ramble about the same thing at the same time. Sometimes we ramble at the same time about different things. And sometimes we ramble about different things at different times. It's the mystery of oneness, and I bet you wish you were a fly on our walls.

I think my problem is that I have gone and gotten myself hooked on some t.v. shows. And I blame it on my girlfriends because when we get together they talk about these shows a lot and the peer pressure is unbearable. So it seems I have caved and now I am hooked. Parenthood. Nashville. Dallas. Shark Tank. Modern family. The Bachelor. And American Idol. But the two latter shows are walking on a thin line because the girls on both shows are driving me batty. And all I really do over the course of episodes is to say, "oh my word...are you kidding me."

I've given that topic enough attention though so I'm moving on. Except I will say that I just don't know if Dallas is going to make it without J.R. I mean he was quite the villain, but I loved his character and his eyebrows. There is none other like J.R. although there was enough scandal in the first two episodes to live on for the rest of the season. Rest in peace, Larry.

And then there's Nashville. They've got me singing, "You got the wrong song..."

And on Shark Tank I was totally captivated by the product that I saw tonight. It is a little blingy hook thingy that has a strong magnet on the back of it. You place the blingy part on the front of your clothes and the magnet part underneath your clothes and y'all...there's a place on the front where you can hang your readers! The aging just got a little more hip and I totally want one!!

And in the latest news, I am officially registered for the Rock & Roll Half Marathon on March 24th. This is the race that I started last year but couldn't finish because my knee locked up at mile 4. I was SO sad and disappointed and I cried like a baby. So I am incredibly excited about doing it again this year and finishing. Please pray that my knee stays strong. Training has already started and I'm up to 6 miles this weekend. I never ever thought that I would hear myself say this but I am addicted to running. There is just absolutely nothing like crossing that finish line.

But I imagine that crossing the finish line of life on earth into eternity will make my measly half marathons seem like nothing. So I keep running...with perseverance the race that has been marked out for me.

S.O.S

I have fallen off the blog wagon...and I can't get up! It's a serious case of writer's block.

The end.

Blessings in 2013...

I'm fairly certain this holiday season of 2012 was the fastest passing of time I may have ever experienced.  Or...it could be that this was what my grandma always meant when she said, "My how time flies."  Whatever it may mean, I know one thing to be true: 2013 is here...and for me and several of my girlfriends...and whoever else is up for the challenge...this means that it is time to start a year-long adventure of scripture memory.

I am itching to get started on this because I did this in 2011 and it proved to be the most life-changing practice I've ever implemented.  That year was a huge time of learning and growth for me, and I believe wholeheartedly that it was largely due to scripture memory.

So...if you are joining me this year, I wanted to share a few things that helped me.

1) First, I bookmarked the LPM Blog on all my devices.  This made it easy to post my verse from anywhere…at any time.  There were several times I forgot to post on the correct day and this allowed me to do so when I remembered that I forgot!  No matter where I was.

2) I ordered the spiral from Living Proof Ministries, wrote my verses in it and kept it beside my bed. Here is the link for this year's spiral if you'd like to order it. Or you can go purchase one on your own. Regardless of which spiral you get, it will be your free ticket into the (optional) event in January 2014 (Houston,TX) for all who participate.  I ordered this one because it is cute and I like cute!

3) I downloaded an app onto my iPhone called Fighter Verses which is a phenomenal app for memorizing scripture.  It allows you to add a bible verse of your choice, or you can choose the current verse in the app. But that's not what's so great about it.  The cool thing is that it has several different ways you can quiz yourself.  It's on your phone so you can pull it up while you are at a stoplight, in line at the grocery store, or whenever you have a few minutes of time at your disposal. It makes memorizing scripture very easy. Here is the link for the app.  It costs $2.99 but well worth it!

The first post of the year is already up, and I just posted my first verse for the year...

Isaiah 12:2 (NIV)
Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense;
he has become my salvation.” 

If you can't find a verse you want to memorize and need an idea, I have posted my verses I used in 2011 here.  Feel free to copy any of those or use the same one I'm using.

This morning I prayed for all of you who are going to venture down this road in 2013.  I truly wish for you and your families a year full of God's blessings on your heart, mind, and soul.

Happy New Year!

The Chipped Cup

Today...I was dragging, and my clouded mind thought it was due to the fact that I did not sleep much last night because of all the heart-racing fun that was going on inside my chest.  But I realized it was probably because of my new habit of going decaf from now on...that started this morning.  I'm not sure why I can't remember that cold turkey is a difficult thing.

But anyway...while I was staring into space in the direction of my computer monitor this morning, an email popped into my inbox.  I noticed it was from my sister so I opened it immediately.  She had written something so sweet for me and it reminded me that our relationships are one of the most important aspect of our lives.  So...my sister, Patti, is my guest blogger today...

The Chipped Cup

When I was in high school I had a boyfriend.  He was wrong for me in every way.  One day I realized that he was crushing my hopes to go away to college, a college I had dreamed of going to for a very long time.  So after much thought, I decided to break up with him.  We were drinking pop (what we called the soda in the fridge at the time) from a glass out of the kitchen.  These glasses were supposedly unbreakable, but when he threw his across the front porch, after I broke up with him, it surely did chip.  After that day you would have thought the glass would have been no good and would have been thrown out, but for some reason it kept showing up in the cabinet with its family of green drinking glasses.  Every time the glass was used it was a reminder of that boy, the road I was headed down with him and the wise decision I had made obviously led by the Holy Spirit.  I assume the glass was eventually thrown away, much like my memories of the bad experience of the break up.

I tell that story because this morning when I watched my cup filling with my yummy coffee I happened to notice a chip in my cup.  The chip made me smile because this time the chip represented a much happier memory.  A while back my sister and her husband had traveled to Austin during a weekend we were away - probably at a swim meet. They stayed at my house and after the weekend was over my lovely sister told me that when she was putting her coffee cup in the dishwasher it had chipped.   So when I use that cup it reminds me of my sister that I miss so much, and of the time she and her husband were making themselves at home in my home.  She was very upset when she told me she broke it and probably even asked if she could replace it.  What my sister doesn't realize is that she added value to that cup that day.  The value in the chip comes from the building of our relationship over years.  I have known her her whole life and have watched her grow and develop into a beautiful, caring person who loves God above all.  Often through the week I will think of my sister and text her a thought, lyrics to a song or just something I wanted to tell her.  It makes me feel in touch and close to her.  Many times when something is eating either of us we will call each other and vent.  Inevitably at the end of the vent session the other will encourage with God's Word.  This relationship is so above and beyond just being sisters.  It is absolutely a gift from God.  To be able to speak truth into her life and receive truth from her has been the secret to many trials with raising a family and being married to the same busy, high maintenance man for 23 years.  I treasure my sister and I treasure the chipped cup because it makes me remember to be thankful for the beautiful blessings God has entrusted me with.  So I sit here and drink my yummy full cup of almond joy creamer in my coffee and I am starting my day with a full cup.  Full of joy and thankfulness.

Patti Thompson
12/4/2012


I love this for so very many obvious reasons.  But, it makes me think, also, about how broken and chipped we all are.  Nicks and cracks caused either by the ups and downs of life, our own past mistakes...or...by someone else.  We are tempted to look at that and wish we were put together better; that we hadn't made that one decision; or that we had avoided that person when we had the opportunity.    It's easy to devalue ourselves and the journey we've walked.  But I believe when God looks at us, He thinks our brokenness adds value.